i feel something, i don't know what. confusion is nothing new. do other people feel this? could we get together, make a list? find out what the unifying factor is. understand the what and why. but that doesn't change anything anyway, anymore than understanding the movements of the planets can stop them. but perhaps removing the mystery can ease the mind some. what does it matter? another tortured soul in a long list of them. looking for my own peace. i think i know what it is though. parents who don't love you, and the feelings of worthlessness that brings. and then those nasty little genes they pass on, the ones that make the brain malfunction. topping it off, the not fitting in, even though i wanted to, not knowing how, not wanting to really though, and torn still. becoming what i despise would not do. the inferno.
"The inferno of the living is not something that will be; if there is one, it is what is already here, the inferno where we live every day, that we form by being together. There are two ways to escape suffering it. The first is easy for many: accept the inferno and become such a part of it that you can no longer see it. The second is risky and demands constant vigilance and apprehension: seek and learn to recognize who and what, in the midst of the inferno, are not inferno, then make them endure, give them space." - italo calvino
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