Sunday, February 21, 2010
never enough
I suppose that’s why Jane Seymour is hawking her atrocious jewelry with that fake sincere melodramatic sappy story about her mom (the kind Americans lap up with no other possible explanation than gross stupidity), at Kay Jewelers. I don’t want this to be true. That it’s never enough. My privations have so far given me reasonable allowance to believe happiness will be in my grasp one day. If I can just get enough. But it never will be.
what do i want?
What do I want?
Practically or fantastically?
Practically it’s hard to say. So many difficulties to move around, and my mobility in question.
In a world where my finances are taken care of, but by whom, there is the problem. How do I feel if this dependence is removed? I am afraid of the answer. I do not want to look at it. It is conflicted. It is not one thing or another. Variable variables. Maybe it would all be different in a different situation, with the fear and stress removed. Maybe. Maybe we could come to who we are in this place, and then figure out from there. Maybe. Always so many maybes. They never sleep. They cluster over there, some hopeful, some churlish, some lie - white lies, malicious ones, who knows which is which in this mélange?
Practically or fantastically?
Practically it’s hard to say. So many difficulties to move around, and my mobility in question.
In a world where my finances are taken care of, but by whom, there is the problem. How do I feel if this dependence is removed? I am afraid of the answer. I do not want to look at it. It is conflicted. It is not one thing or another. Variable variables. Maybe it would all be different in a different situation, with the fear and stress removed. Maybe. Maybe we could come to who we are in this place, and then figure out from there. Maybe. Always so many maybes. They never sleep. They cluster over there, some hopeful, some churlish, some lie - white lies, malicious ones, who knows which is which in this mélange?
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