weakness

the weakness of allowing damage to fester and continue to tear you inside. there is no way to explain how to let it go. it just happens. not without action, without effort, struggle. maybe these actions fill in enough to let the other go, lest there be a vacuum. it feels better. don't forget that. don't let go. without pushing forward, the current will take you back.

mellow

well, mellowing. slightly. who knows where i'm going. mellowing but still needy. not that gaping void of all consuming need, but needing, needing things, maybe thinking i need things that i don't, misdirected by corporate needmongers. but to know what one needs, to know how to get it, that is wisdom. that way lies happiness.

the ineluctable weight of living

half-formed meaningless ideas are all i have to offer here. and they change from day to day. swelling up and ebbing like the tide, thrown about as i am by life, having no anchor or safe harbor. and i talk and talk and talk and somewhere there is someone with ears but my words will never reach them.

still desperate, still lonely. but who isn't? i have become hackneyed, and bored with myself. time for another change. i would change, but for the mire. it will come, but slow, as ever.

untitled

if i say to you, i like rain, i elaborate on puddles, a deer comes to drink, and i've left you so far behind. many worlds away, this strange life, so distant right in front of you.