identity

kelly, janice, jessica probably, i don't remember any of the others. a vagabond, drifting, it occurred to me i could be someone else, and i was terribly desperate to be. janice was chosen for janice joplin, who i imagined myself to be like. an intense tortured soul, misunderstood and damned to misfortune and misery until the self-induced end of a life for a brief time removed from its tormentors, but not released from them. it did not grace me with the epic heart-wrenching eloquent tragedy i imagined; it felt plain and homely and awkward. trailer trash waiting on tables in a cheap, run down diner in some godforsaken wasteland.